Funny Status Ideas

For a $19 donation to the SPCA you can help a dog or cat that has been abused. They'd make a lot more money if they charged $75 to get a video of someone kicking the abuser's ass. I'd pay for that.

With eighty seven Facebook friend requests still pending I am wondering if it is social networking or social not working!

I like to post ads on Craigslist. "IPhone 5s for $20!" Along with the number of people who annoy me...

Wouldn't it be awesome if pregnancy tests read 'You're screwed' or 'Keep screwing'?

The gall of some people! I'm sitting on the couch, in my briefs, watching TV, and eating pizza. Sam's Club security says, “Sir it's time to go!"

Having roses on your piano is good, but having tulips on your organ is grand!

My internet dropped, so I went to reboot the router. My neighbor was pissed!