Funny Status Ideas

Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It's so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...

Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.

My favorite Transformer is Amazon Prime.

If I died and went straight to hell, it would probably take me at least a week to realize I wasn’t at work anymore.

Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.

C'mon Netflix, we both know I'm watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.

When one door closes another one opens. Apparently I really need to get my car fixed...