Funny Status Ideas

So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it's time to eat again.

Better days are coming. They're called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that's the last thing I need.

It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.

What's the difference between kissing ass and brown nosing? Depth perception.

New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.