Funny Status Ideas

The power went out, thus no internet, couldn't use laptop, watch t.v, ipad went dead. It was raining so I couldn't fish or golf. I spent 5 hours talking to the wife. Turns out she's a very nice lady.

Thanks Microwave, for heating the plate and not my food...

I'm not gay, but I know lots about not having sex with women.

I bet Shaq never signs things “Love, Shaq” since the B52s pretty much ruined that for him...

Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 136,000 Boxes Florida: 128, 000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes

The roof is not my child, but I will raise it...

I just hit a pothole so hard Siri developed a stutter.