Funny Status Ideas

Checking your phone when someone pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.

Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.

Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?

Geico could probably save you more than 15 percent if they stopped spending billions on advertising.

"I didn't get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"

I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.

Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.