Funny Status Ideas

If I had a twin that was like 2 mins younger that me I would always say 'when I was your age' and proceed to tell the what I did 2 mins ago

I'm great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.

I'm going to safety pin a couple of dollar bills to my shirt tomorrow and see how many people give me a dollar. Not because it's my birthday; I just figure it's better than pole dancing.

There's a dumbass on your keyboard between the Y and I. Just look.

Aren't they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?

The guy who used to proofread Hitler's speeches was the first grammar Nazi.

Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.