Funny Status Ideas

I just spent hours connecting all of my watches together to make a belt. It was a complete waist of time.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you’re like, ‘Screw it – just grab a pile of stuff. We’ll get a bag at the airport’.

Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.

The difference between my "walking" and my "running" is mostly just arm movements.

It must've been tough being a magician in the 15th century. "Is this your card?" "Burn him! Burn the witch!!"

I've got to remember to tie a string around my finger!