Funny Status Ideas

I get my cereal from a tiger, insurance from a gecko, toilet paper from a bear, financial advice from a gorilla. It's people I don't trust.

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...

Beer comes from hops. Hops are plants. Beer is liquid salad.

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. However, if you sponsor Jack & Jill for just $2 a month we will dig a well in their village.

A week is five days of wishing you had nothing to do followed by two days of wishing you had something to do.