Funny Status Ideas

How many pedants does it take to change a light bulb? The correct word is "replace", actually.

I never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running you should start running too because something freaky is coming.

The site of a woman's cleavage reduces a man's ability to think clearly by 50%...per boob...

Well, I've officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.

I'm probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.

You know you're lazy when you get excited about canceled plans.

If "The Shining" came out today, it would be two hours of Jack Nicholson browsing the internet.