Funny Status Ideas

Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.

Everything’s bigger in Texas. That's why I do all my sexting there.

If I were a movie villain I'd make a bomb where the wires are all one color.

I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?

Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to ensure that the police are always able to make a positive identification.

They say don't burn bridges you may have to cross later, but I don't mind swimming if the bridge is already broken.

I wish I had somebody to blame all of my problems on, like my wife does.