Funny Status Ideas

Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don't want to see a lot of it...

Anybody who goes to bed the same day they got up is a quitter.

I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.

If people in horror movies listened to me, they'd still be alive.

The search for Flight 370 was declared "the most difficult in human history". Amelia Earhart could not be reached for comment.

They seriously need an express lane at the Bank for those of us who have less than $100 dollars in our checking account.

Me: Yes, 911? My wife is going into labor, what do I do? 911: Relax sir, is this her first child? Me: No, this is her husband.