Funny Status Ideas

It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.

Sometimes when I'm bored I like to go to the mall, find a great parking spot, and just sit in my car with the reverse lights on.

If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.

You'd think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.

My foot’s not just asleep it's outright coma toes

Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.

Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince.