Funny Status Ideas

It’s very sad that fathers only get one day but sharks get a whole week.

Sometimes I think I'm reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness

I joined an Amish support group, but I fell off the wagon.

If the Paleo diet is so good then why did the Flintstones need vitamins?

Helium addiction is horrible because no one takes your cries for help seriously.

White Claw tastes like you are drinking TV static while someone screams the name of a fruit from another room.

People think I’m good at keeping secrets but the truth is I’m just bad at paying attention to what you told me.