Funny Status Ideas

I weigh myself fully naked. If you don’t like it you can go to a different Publix.

Monsters don’t eat ghost because they taste like sheet.

It’s very sad that fathers only get one day but sharks get a whole week.

Sometimes I think I'm reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness

I joined an Amish support group, but I fell off the wagon.

If the Paleo diet is so good then why did the Flintstones need vitamins?

Helium addiction is horrible because no one takes your cries for help seriously.