Funny Status Ideas

Listen Apple, unless this so-called "genius" is making me a drink, don't tell me to wait at the bar.

I love that feeling when someone cancels plans that I didn't want to have in the first place.

I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.

My kids want to have a Harry Potter themed birthday party with me dressed as Hagrid. Now I have to lose weight...

I sometimes pee in the shower. My wife complains that it's only ok if I'm actually taking a shower.

Spilling your drink is the adult equivalent of letting your balloon go.

"I don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo" - Said no Juan ever