Funny Status Ideas

If you see me talking to myself don't be alarmed. I'm getting expert advice.

Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you’re angrily chasing them.

Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.

I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine

Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous. Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet...

I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It's been on my keyboard all the time.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.