Funny Status Ideas

If ignorance really was bliss we'd have a lot more really happy people around here.

Hey, Canada, you know that junk isn't really bacon, right?

I'm such a bad cook I even struggle to make reservations.

If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That's one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"

When I get married, I hope my wife keeps her name. I'd have a hard time learning a new one after all that time together.

My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.

My kid is so great at sharing that the whole family has pink-eye!