Funny Status Ideas

The best occupation to work from home: Bartender.

I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it

I just wanna have abs…olutely all the pasta and breadsticks.

If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?

If owls are so smart, how come they don't say "Whom"?

Nice try "blocked number", but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.

I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I'm Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.