Funny Status Ideas

I'm such a bad cook I even struggle to make reservations.

If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That's one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"

When I get married, I hope my wife keeps her name. I'd have a hard time learning a new one after all that time together.

My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.

My kid is so great at sharing that the whole family has pink-eye!

Just about every kid's mom lets them lick the mixer beaters when they were done. Leave it to mine not to turn them off first...

Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.