Funny Status Ideas

I just wanna have abs…olutely all the pasta and breadsticks.

If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?

If owls are so smart, how come they don't say "Whom"?

Nice try "blocked number", but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.

I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I'm Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.

If ignorance really was bliss we'd have a lot more really happy people around here.

Hey, Canada, you know that junk isn't really bacon, right?