Funny Status Ideas

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, and other times I just let her sleep

Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late.

I've never been skydiving, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

If your story doesn't end with "but his eyebrows will eventually grow back," I don’t want to hear about it.

I hate it when women wear pink camouflage. Where you hiding? Candyland?

Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you've got ADHD.

People that use statistics in everyday arguments are jerks 100% of the time