Funny Status Ideas

Chair: Your hindquarters headquarters.

There's a difference between having a unique name and a common name that's spelled wrong.

Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can't think of a good reply"?

I don't know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I'm looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.

I swear my girlfriend must be Russian. She keeps invading my side of the bed and claiming it as hers.

The best occupation to work from home: Bartender.

I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it