Funny Status Ideas

You know you’re a bad driver when Siri tells you “after 400 feet stop and let me out”

You only have one childhood, it may as well last your entire life

My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.

Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn't used yet.

Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...

I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.