Funny Status Ideas

My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.

Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn't used yet.

Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...

I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.

My resume is really just a list of all the things I never want to do again.

If it's true that God closes a door then opens a window, he probably just dropped a bomb in the bathroom.