Funny Status Ideas

Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”

Ugh I hate airports. The men's bathroom here doesn't have any urinals! Just a bunch of women screaming. Lame.

I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.

Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.

I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.

We only use leashes because dogs can’t hold hands

I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!