Funny Status Ideas

Chasing the American Dream does not count as exercise.

I think some people need to donate their blood, all of it.

My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you.

No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage

“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play God with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty

If zombies ever attack, go to Sam's Club. They have walls and years of food and supplies. Also, zombies can't get in without a membership.