Funny Status Ideas

Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.

I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.

One bad decision is called a mistake. A couple bad decisions is called stupidity. Several bad decisions is called "My Life."

Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don't make enough money to have a drug problem

I'm thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to keep scrolling through all those other states when I sign up for websites.

I take the time every night to read Facebook statuses to my children as part of my stay in school campaign.

We can talk to astronauts in space perfectly fine, but we lose cell phone reception EVERYWHERE!