Funny Status Ideas

I wish mirrors and pictures would get together already and agree on what I really look like.

I finally found a diet plan that works. It’s called “The cost of food”.

If we shook out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we could end world hunger.

When my cat recoils from my kisses is when I know she takes after my wife.

It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.

If you ever come over unannounced, it'll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants

Who needs rhetorical questions?