Funny Status Ideas

If we shook out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we could end world hunger.

When my cat recoils from my kisses is when I know she takes after my wife.

It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.

If you ever come over unannounced, it'll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.

I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.