Funny Status Ideas

My wife won’t get the remote that’s in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she’d be shopping already.

When Mike Tyson says “Bithneth”…… You know he really means business

You know your day is complete when someone in a vehicle with a "COEXIST" bumper sticker flips you off.

I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.

I’m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.

Last night I saw a snuggie commercial, I thought it was a stupid idea, but I couldn't change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn't want my arms to get cold

If you can’t say anything nice, we should probably be friends.