Funny Status Ideas

I don’t drink to forget about problems. I drink to create new problems that that make the old issues irrelevant.

Id like to go to sleep but the light from my cell phone laptop and tablet are keeping me up.

Even as little kids we knew about STDs. We just called them Cooties.

According to WebMD, I'm sick and tired of people.

Why do single women take advice from other single women? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me… from me.

Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.