Funny Status Ideas

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. … After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits.

Who is this Rorschach guy? … and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally

Typed in "Tim Howard" in Google, waiting for the search results. He blocked those too!

Today France plays Germany... Their defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War 2 record...

When girls wear yoga pants I feel like the ghosts from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.

Dogs are tough. I’ve been interrogating this one for hours and he still won’t tell me who is a good boy.