Funny Status Ideas

This movie has "adult content"? So, they're gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?

If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I'd be in fantastic shape.

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t just for throwing at people who stress you out?

When my kid loses a tooth, I’m telling him the tooth fairy charges a $5 disposal fee.

Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings… Pavlov gasps, “Oh crap, I forgot to feed the dogs.”

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. … After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits.

Who is this Rorschach guy? … and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?