Funny Status Ideas

At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.

I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back

Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.

If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.

How do bats hang upside down without crapping on themselves?

Instead of “single” as a marital status, it should read “independently owned and operated”

I know it’s 3 meals a day, but how many should I eat at night?