Funny Status Ideas

When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them

“Careful, there’s poop on the dance floor.” – how ballet was invented.

I’m going to start wearing Summer’s Eve as a cologne. The vast majority of beautiful women seem to be attracted to douches.

My ex used to treat me like a God (she only thought of me when she needed something and forgot about me when things were going well)

I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.

At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.

I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back