Funny Status Ideas

Make your employees work 8x faster by constantly playing that music from Sonic the Hedgehog when you’ve been under water for too long.

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.

I think the new Transformers movie would have done a lot better if GM didn't have to recall half the Autobots.

You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake.

I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name

Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.