Funny Status Ideas

If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating

Note to self... next time my wife asks what's on tv, don't say dust

Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

My train of thought is loco, no motive

Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don’t make a right! Tomorrow I’m going to try three.

No matter how old I am, when i am eating a bag of Bugles, I will never be mature enough to not put them on my fingertips and make claws.