Funny Status Ideas

Flies only live for 24 hours. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.

Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?

My train of thought is loco, no motive

Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don’t make a right! Tomorrow I’m going to try three.

No matter how old I am, when i am eating a bag of Bugles, I will never be mature enough to not put them on my fingertips and make claws.

Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great.

The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."