Funny Status Ideas

Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep

It only becomes a mistake if you regret it.

Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What couple possibly go wrong with that?

I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists!

Disney owns marvel. Marvel owns Thor. Thor is the son of a king. Thor is now female. Thor is now a Disney princess.

If I were a doctor, I would do volunteer work by standing outside of gas stations and writing prescriptions for antibiotics to people who walk out with sushi.

The best things in life can't be seen or touched. At least, that's what the restraining order says.