Funny Status Ideas

My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions

A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.

When I was little I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.

My internet goes out more than I do.

This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.

Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.

You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.