Funny Status Ideas

I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.

“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.

You can look at some people and instantly know they’re only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.

We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public.

At my funeral play the Super Mario original theme until my casket is lowered in the ground then play the underground music

I’m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.

My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy…