Funny Status Ideas

Whenever someone spells something wrong, I always look to see if the two letters are close on the keyboard.

I’m not nodding to say yes about your idea….The voices in my head are agreeing with me that you’re an idiot

I'd like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's an Instagram filter.

I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.

“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.