Funny Status Ideas

I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.

This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”

Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job

They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs

Caller ID should be more detailed~ “Wants Help Moving” “Going to Whine” “Will Ask to Borrow Money

There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.

1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave