Funny Status Ideas

When someone says to me great minds think alike, I just look at them and think “you dirty bastard”.

Mosquitos are like family. Annoying but they carry your blood.

And then God said, “Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I’ll give women the power over which to control it.”

I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.

When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.

Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.

I wonder if Eric Clapton really thought she looked wonderful or if it was just the 27th outfit she'd tried on & he didn't want to be late to the party.