Funny Status Ideas

I'm so sick of calling a telephone number only to be directed to a website. I am well aware of the internet.

My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...

Casual, but fun. An extra "t" there can ruin your night.

My man-animal chimeras have been declared "unethical". Something to do with "human guinea pigs"

How inconsiderate of that cop to pull me over. It should have been pretty obvious that I was in a hurry.

The original creator of the phrase “common sense” surely didn’t know many people.

I’m planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can’t have any biologically.