Funny Status Ideas

Orgasms are a lot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don’t really care if you don’t have any pizza.

If a 747 can carry a space shuttle on its back, I’m calling bulls*** on an overweight baggage charge.

Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last year but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway

I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

I have been in parks less shady than you.

If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.

I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.