Funny Status Ideas

Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.

People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night are burning the Kindle at both ends.

Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven't even started yet.

I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.

How is soy sauce black and soy milk white when soybeans are green?

Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.

Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.