Funny Status Ideas

The older I get, the more badly I realize I need adult supervision.

I don't want my wife getting massages. All that can happen is she learns that other people can touch her better than I do.

I'm not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.

Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you're ugly.

If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way.

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.