Funny Status Ideas

I just started a new exercise routine. Every day I do diddly-squats.

The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it's between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".

Ever have a plan for the day, then 4pm rolls around and you've achieved literally nothing?

I wonder how they sold physicians on the first prostate exams

Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I'm tipping my ATM more than my bartender.

I have purchased thousands of bobby pins in my lifetime. I currently have about 2.

Me: "We decided we don't really want to have kids." Her: "Don't you already have 2?" Me: "Yeah..."