Funny Status Ideas

People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.

Three words to ruin a man's ego: "Is it in?" Three words to ruin a woman's ego: "I don't know."

A toilet was stolen from the police station. The cops have nothing to go on.

"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.

Love is like Wi-Fi, you can’t see it, but you know when you’ve lost it.

I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over

I once dated a girl with a parrot. That thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.