Funny Status Ideas

I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?

I told my psychiatrist that I've been hearing voices. He told me that I don't have a psychiatrist.

Note to friends... next time your significant other asks what's on TV, don't say dust.

Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs

If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.

I heard Chipotle is offering a new Ravens burrito. It has everything on it but Rice.

I’m opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint. I really think my “Whites Only!” restaurant idea will be a hit!