Funny Status Ideas

Note to friends... next time your significant other asks what's on TV, don't say dust.

Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs

If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.

I heard Chipotle is offering a new Ravens burrito. It has everything on it but Rice.

I’m opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint. I really think my “Whites Only!” restaurant idea will be a hit!

In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?

My kid: Why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check? Me: I don't know but she needs you to hold on to it until the 1st of the month.