Funny Status Ideas

Single white sock seeks same.

Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd love to bring a guest.

Dance like nobody is watching! because they're not...they're checking their phone.

I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast

No thanks, marriage. If I want to never get laid, I'll just start wearing crocs.

I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...

There's a restaurant in my neighborhood called China Buffet 2. If I haven't eaten at the first one, will the food there make sense to me?