Funny Status Ideas

I don't use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.

I've been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don't know karate.

"If by "cat person" you mean I sleep a lot and will lose my temper with you without provocation, then yes, I'm a cat person."

My Tinder Rule: If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you're buying me drinks until you do.

It hurts when someone you love says mean things to you like, "It's time to wake up."

I read my kids a few select Facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"

I’m going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i’m correct, they should owe me $950