Funny Status Ideas

My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner much the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".

When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.

I’ve finally worked up the courage to tell you how I feel. I feel hungry.

Since they're loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.

The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

I don't think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller coaster.

When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…