Funny Status Ideas

Some people need more than a beauty sleep. They need a beauty hibernation.

OK. Who called it Scientology and not Cruise control?

Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.

Spoiler alert: Your '97 Nissan Sentra doesn't need one.

All I'm saying is you don't see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.

My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner much the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".

When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.