Funny Status Ideas

A buttload is an actual measurement for drug smugglers.

I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.

They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.

People are still poaching elephants in this day and age!? I can't even poach an egg!

Face tattoos are like regular tattoos except face ones let everyone know you’d rather not have a job where you pay taxes.

Without a doubt, the cashew is my favorite nut that sounds like a sneeze.

You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.