Funny Status Ideas

I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust.

I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"

Who wants to learn Roman numerals? I for one.

I think I'll tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage

It's almost "It's not even Thanksgiving yet and they're already decorating for Christmas!" season.

Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.

It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.