Funny Status Ideas

Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.

Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor’s coupons?

I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.

If you want to insult deaf people you should watch your mouth

I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.

I took my youngest daughter to the grocery store the other day to get some basics. We walked down the aisle with all the vegetable oils etc and she noticed olive oil. She asked me what Extra Virgin Olive Oil meant. I said it meant that they made the oil from really ugly olives.

Man boobs are awesome! Why commas are important.